Today is World Autism Awareness Day, and it is my birthday. I want to say thank you to the girls in her life.
Thank you for being my daughter's friend. I know she doesn't always talk loud enough to hear and she follows you because she doesn't want to be alone. She tries her best in social situations and usually doesn't make eye contact. I know she can't be like your other friends, that you can't talk to her like other girls, but you include her, and that means everything to me. Not everyone is willing to do it. I wish they were. I wish others could know her like I do, but that takes time.
Doesn't any friendship take time, though? It can be awkward in the beginning, but once you work out the kinks and get to know the person, it's comfortable. That's all she wants..is to feel comfortable around a person. And she can, but you have to show her that you care. You have to talk to her, even if she doesn't respond, and even when she does but you can't understand her. You have to be willing to be a little uncomfortable before you can be comfortable. But again, most friendships are like this. It takes time to get to know someone--anyone.
She might not appear to be having fun, but she is. Just including her in your group makes her feel like all the other kids. She knows she's different, but she doesn't want to feel that way. Bring up the word "autism" and she'll tell you to stop talking about that! She's trying to understand what autism means to her right now. And she just wants to be like everyone else, and you help her feel this way by saying hi, by smiling, by giving side hugs (the only kind she allows), by talking to her, by being patient.
Whenever I see other girls or teens socializing and laughing together, and she is watching with me, I wonder how she feels. So I asked her yesterday. I said, "How does it make you feel when other kids are talking and having fun together?" She said, "I don't know--happy?"
On the way to a church event last night, I drove her and some other girls. Again, they were all talking and laughing about typical girl things. When they started asking each other what pets they've had, I so hoped she would speak up and talk about our cats Jack and Jill, and how Jill ran away and Jack had to be put to sleep, but she didn't. When they started talking about Merida from the movie "Brave," I hoped she would say, "Did you know that I'm going to be Merida for Halloween this year?" (She chooses her next Halloween costume the day after Halloween). But she didn't, and that's okay. I spoke up, and then the girls asked her more questions. Another parent at the church event told me, "I don't think the girls see her as having autism. They just see her as Julianna." You did this, and again, it means everything to me.
Autism may affect her ABILITY to socialize, but it doesn't affect her DESIRE. It doesn't stop her from seeing what friends do, what friends can be. It doesn't stop her from saying hi to all her friends and initiating that side hug, or saying bye for another one. She's getting braver, and she's branching out in her own way. She wouldn't be able to do that without you. And even though it scares me to see her doing these things, I know you will watch out for her. It means I can let go a little bit more to see her grow because others care about her like I do.
So, thanks for remembering her. Thanks for being her friend. As her mom, this means the world to me and often brings me to tears. Everyone deserves a friend.
#worldautismawarenessday2019
Posts
